Do you feel like you wear this name tag, or perhaps you don't even realize that you do. People pleasing is like a vortex, feeling like it's never ending, no escape.
What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is just that....saying yes to everyone else except YOU. Living your life for others, constantly doing for others...why? Could it be for validation? Perhaps for self worth? Nevertheless, let's us explore if you have any possible symptoms, so that you can create awareness!
Some "symptoms" include :
(1). Feeling responsible for how others feel
(2). Apologizing too often
(3). Cannot say NO
(4). Feeling uncomfortable if someone is "upset" with you.
(5). Going to great lengths to avoid conflict.
Of course there are many more aspects and symptoms to being a people pleaser, but you get the idea. It is real and so many of us don't realize that we are doing it. Why do we do it...where does it come from? Most times it stems from self-worth, feeling a lack. Being accepted and liked are attractive, let's face it, we all want it...human nature. Sometimes we confuse our pleasing ways with kindness or love, we do not want to appear selfish, afraid of not being loved, disappointing others.
Time To Stop!
How do we break the cycle? Start with awareness. When you are aware that your actions are no longer aligned with who you are and how you want to live...red flag! Start to live your life from selfLESS to selfFUL. Time to start living your life on YOUR terms.
The dialogue with yourself should go something like this...
(1) People are responsible for themselves. I can still be kind by not absorbing in order to please.
(2) No need to keep the peace all the time. I can find my voice and say what I have to if I do not agree. I will do it with kindness and love.
(3) It's okay to say NO, if not aligning with ME!
(4) I am more concerned about seeking approval from MYSELF than from others.
(5) I value ME first.
Okay so naturally this is not an easy journey and it will be easy somedays and harder on others. Remember this about making mistakes, changing behaviors and putting yourself first...WOAH! Your life is meant to be lived the way you want, you are in control. No one should have power over that, unless you give them power. You cannot live a happy life if you are constantly managing your feelings as well as other people's feelings at the same time.
Get to know who YOU are, learn to say NO and most of all, set your boundaries.
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." - Dr. Seuss
Let's do this...do you want to learn how to say YES to YOU?
I am offering FREE 30 Minute Coffee Connection Calls to get you going.
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Nicky Clarke is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach and Mindfulness Coach